Family Constellations and the Personal Development

by Susan Crosthwaite

In 1995 when True Parents ‘globalised’ the Blessing people began coming to the ceremony with far less preparation that those who had been Blessed before that time. This led to by no means all, but many relationships ending in what came to be called the ‘breaking of the Blessing’. I began counselling members who had experienced one, two or even three matchings which never came to the fulfilment of the Blessing! It was greatly troubling for me, not to mention the pain of broken hearts for those going through this! I have also been very concerned that the dignity and value of the Blessing itself was being eroded and damaged.

So in 1998 I began doing two things:

  • Searching for spouses for those who had experienced this heart-break so they can find happiness.
  • Working to make the qualifications for the Blessing a better standard for the candidates to reach for, so they would be better prepared for the challenge of restoration in the Blessing course, and value what they have been given; thereby protecting the value and sacredness of the Holy Blessing.

Since then six couples who have been introduced personally by me have received the Blessing. Quite a few others have been introduced to each other by friends or spiritual parents and also come to experience deep happiness in Blessed Marriage. These have been arranged in a way that people were encouraged to take adequate time to know each other and decide seriously before uttering those sacred eternal Blessing vows.

From time to time I reported the progress of all this to Tim Read ( UK National Leader ), who supported and encouraged this effort most generously. Since the founding of the Eu-BFD, I have continued the work, and Geros Kunkel was very keen for us to make it more official, and wider known, so that many more can reach this goal of happiness in the Blessing.

In February at the Annual Assembly Tim Miller encouraged me to advertise for someone to help develop the IT side of a better system, and quite soon we had received the great volunteering response from Grahame Bennett who is working on that side of it. This will be launched in October 2008.

Early in June I reported to a gathering of Eu-Regional and National leaders with Dr. and Mrs. Song about the progress we have been making. We asked him at what stage of the process he would like to approve the matchings.

He replied by asking Geros Kunkel and I to take the authority of matching the 1st Generation matching candidates, and to report to him before they are Blessed. It means that I hope you will entrust the task of matching into our hands, and we will continue to do what we have been doing for 10 years – that is recommending candidates to each other, and receiving recommendations from spiritual parents and church elders, and bringing people together carefully.

Dr. Song asked us to report to him after the Matches are complete. That means after they have gone through a process which includes the following:
-Fulfil the qualifications which are:
Introduction …organised personally through Eu-BFD staff

“Heavenly Courtship” for 7 months: 21 Day Communication Phase after which they receive this email:

Your 21-day Communication Phase is completed on 28 July 2008

Please contact your Blessed Family Department National Representative to report the progress at this stage.
and 24 week Courtship Phase…at any stage in the 7 months the couple can choose to say ‘no’. After the 21 days communication they can say ‘no’, and return to the Matching candidate group, or say ‘yes’ and take the 24 weeks to consider:

  • Prayer and actions to introduce yourself to and get to know your engagement partner.
  • Prayer and effort to win the heart of your engagement partner.
  • Prayer and reflection to understand if you want to make an eternal commitment to build a Blessed Family with and to cherish your partner with deep devotion and care.
  • Effort to make a decision about your commitment to keep heartistic and sexual fidelity in the Blessed Marriage.
  • Make an absolute commitment to raise any children you have in an environment of true love, following the traditions of a Central Blessed Family, centering on God and True Parents.
  • Think about making your commitment to growing together as a beautiful and dignified Couple, and to take responsibility for any difficulties you face along the way of restoration.

Then they receive another email to remind them that the 7 months is complete, and they need to make their commitment, or say ’no’ and return to the candidate group. The email is like this:

Your Heavenly Courtship Phase is completed on 14 October 2008

Please contact your Blessed Family Department National Representative about your decision at this stage.


  • Acceptance ( or not ), and Preparation for the Blessing

Then we will report to Dr. and Mrs. Song.

Then they should attend a Blessing preparation workshop if they haven’t done in the past 2 years before this, offer a 7 Day Fast and attend the next Blessing Ceremony. There they will receive the Holy Wine, receive the Blessing prayer and do the Indemnity Ceremony. After the Blessing they enter the traditional 40 days Separation period. Then they can go through the 3 Day Ceremony. Then the whole process of the Blessing is complete.

Then they begin their journey as a couple in the completion stage, helping each other to fulfil all the vows and restore their original nature as much as possible.

With Graham Bennett’s help, we are working on creating a web-site section where candidates’ details can be placed. Eu-BFD National Representatives will have access to this, and people wishing to be matched will need to be interviewed by a Representative or National Leader (when there is no BFD Rep. in that country ), before their details can go onto the site. The Introductions will be done by communication between the BFD Representatives, here in Europe and other countries which connect with the system. At present the USA is connected, and we are working closely with Jim and Hiromi Stephens to develop the system.

Three of the couples who have been recommended for each other by Susan
Temura and Mooi Eng


were recommended for each other in 1998. Moi Eng was 39 years old at the time.

She is Malaysian Chinese, and he a New Zealand Maori who was a member in the 1970’s and joined again in the 90’s Together with their two children during the Crosthwaite’s visit to Australia in April 2007 Temura wrote:

“For Mooi Eng, after some earlier disappointment, to reach a point of accepting a suggested matching is not an easy road. I had not been matched previously, but I did have my own “baggage”, and no guarantees came with me. Our separation course, being a lot shorter than others I know of, had it trials, yet it was those that helped us keep connected.

We are very different people, culturally and mentally, and perhaps we will not always agree.

But we have grown to hear and respect each other, and even if our children drive us up the wall, they are our treasure. Our hope is that they can follow heavenly life, but I learn there are no guarantees there either.”

Jean Luc & Jana
Congo (Refugee and now resident in the UK) and Czech Republic

Jean Luc and Jana

They are ‘Jacob’ children. Jean Luc had been matched twice before and had been a candidate for over four years. After their 21 days Communication Phase Jana wrote 2 pages of report. Here’s just a little of it:
“I´m just very sure it´s really special match! We are both very sensitive and we have incredible potential and I´m sure together we will be able to do a lot of good work! But the more important for God our matching is the more I´m sure Satan is interested in it as well…! He is always awake and I´m sure he will try to get us to his side! But we both are aware of this very well. We know we have to concentrate as much as possible to internal and spiritual growth of our matching and relationship. Our communication didn´t stuck just on external level – to be honest it was something I worried a bit of… – and we are really trying to build strong relationship based on verticality! This is very important for me. We must have enough power to stand behind our matching nomatter what happends because I´m sure otherwise we wouldn´t be able to succeed.

“I found out our matching is one of the best ways of wittnessing as well! Guess you know we have started with WAIT here. Almost all of Czech wait members already know basic things about the Unification church, Divine Principle and projects initiated by TF. – We don´t mix WAIT up with the Church things but some of wait members just asked us. They were so inspired by my mum´s work and they wanted to know what is behind it. They wanted to know where we ( I and my mum) get such incredible power to keep going contrary to this corrupted society… So, we just told them all the things because of their personal interest. – All of them they alredy know about my matching too. I just simply explained them how it works and what meaning it has. I just asked them: „How do you think people are choosing their partners? Do they ask each other about some values when they fell in love or are they just act according to what their hormones are telling them?“

After that I told them: „You know, people are so self-centered. They don´t think about their spouse. They just want to satisfy themselves no matter whom they will use for purpose of the satisfaction. But you see, thanks to this matching I can – at least – be sure of getting someone who lives according to some values. I know this person is aware of great value of life, love, purity, sexuality and marriage and he wants to create good family based on these values. So, tell me what is more? Isn´t this exactly something we´re trying to promote through WAIT? Isn´t it something all people are searching and looking for?“
Susan, you should have seen their reactions! They were sooooooo amazed and they could realize the deep meaning of matching and blessing! And they also liked us as couple so much! They said we really fit together! :o) You know, the most powerful and moving point for them is that they can see how happy I am!
And Jean Luc wrote:


i thank God and true parents for the matching. i know it is a special one.
i am very happy i was matched with some one who is almost like me, its really amazing at the moment we are doing some spiritual conditions to help us and to set up a very strong foundation for this matching.
i am planning to visit jana and her family as soon as i finish my studies in June. i am so happy because our communication is really great thank you very much for your support.

Jean Luc’s Mother wrote after their Blessing:

“Dear Suzan,
I am writing to say thanks a lot for all the support care and love that you offer to my family. I am so happy that my son( jean luc) got matched and blessed now. I am praying that God can keep inspiring and strengthen as you are working hard in his providence.

I am very grateful than words can explain,
May God bless you and your family. Fifi

Jana’s mother wrote ( a small part of her email is copied here ) to Geros after the matching, testifyng to the great value of offering conditions to strengthen faith and bring spiritual guidance and protection as well as attending the Blessing Preparation Workshop
“Dear Geros!

Greetings from Prague. First of all I want to thank you very much for inviting me and Jana for Blesing WS in March in Germany. Everything was sooo quick but I felt we have to go this time no matter what happens. The things developed very quickly. For Jana the blessing WS was very important. She became absolutely unconditional opened to anybody, being matched or by EBD or by Father. She also started to do strong conditions for her matching, reading Hyun Jin Nim´s orange book (she read it twice). She also decided to join STF. Things went quickly forward. In the end of April Susan Crosthwaite send the matching candidate to our national leader. We were praying together with national leader´s family for three days before introducing the candidate to Jana.……..Marcela