Family Constellations and the Personal Development Seminar

by Susan Crostwhaite

Wouldn’t it be great if we could go back into the past – into our family of origin – and look there and say what I needed to say, and be embraced when I needed to be, and forgive those who hurt me, and stand up for myself now, when I couldn’t when I was little? I have been doing that through my prayers, meditation, healing work at Chyeong Pyeong and elsewhere, and my daily relationships, for many years.

A few weeks ago I had a really great experience of doing that again in a very safe and principled environment in a seminar at the South London Peace Embassy (Haslemere Place).

We invited long time Blessed members, Lubelia Palfi and Wolf Osterheld after having a wonderful personal experience of the ‘Constellations’ method last October with Thomas Schuh during our Eu-BFD Meeting and Training. Lubelia has extensive training and experience as a facilitator of Family Constellation Seminars with professionals, and our members throughout Europe. She is Portuguese, and her husband is Austrian; they have two teenage daughters.

Why do people come to a seminar like this?

In a sentence, it’s all about allowing the flow of love from parents to children to be unblocked, so we can release our pain and confusions, and be responsible for our own behaviour, with gratitude for whatever goodness we received. I looked on the internet for a good description of the method, and would recommend this one:

Part of that description says: “Does it work?
Sometimes the effects are very dramatic – children given away for adoption get in touch, infertile couples become pregnant, banished members of the family suddenly ring up. More often, there is a gradual change in relationships, a more peaceful feeling inside, greater acceptance of parents and other family members. And occasionally, there is no change at all. For some people, healing requires a level of inner change they are not able to make. Yet, when these changes are felt, it’s as if we are once more in tune with the movement of our souls and can begin to feel at peace with ourselves. This is not happiness. This is experienced as deep joy.

“Joy develops out of the soul as soon as we are in tune with the movements of the soul. Whatever the path is we are led by the soul. If we are in tune we feel connected to something great and this is joy. Joy has a quality of fullness and completeness which comes from this connection. This joy is quiet, has weight, shines. In the presence of people who experience this joy we become quiet. This joy has no purpose, no wishes, no intent. It is a very deep contentment” Quote from Bert Hellinger at a London workshop April 2000. “

Combined with the insights of Divine Principle Lubelia’s way of applying her knowledge is very impressive. She is deeply committed to helping us realise our goals and dreams of unity and love within our Blessed Families.
Those of us who have experienced this have felt so much benefit that we want to offer the opportunity again, and this time to a bigger group. So, in November 2008, from the evening of Friday the 7th ‘til Sunday the 9th in the evening, we will have another Personal Development seminar at Haslemere Place. The combination of exercises, meditations, lectures, discussions and ‘Constellations’ works together to give everyone a profound healing experience. At the conclusion of this piece you can find two testimonies, summarised. If you are interested to read the full testimonies, I am happy to send them to you by email.
The cost of attending is £70 per person, and £120 per couple.
Those who register will need to pay a deposit of £30 two months before hand, and there will be a limit of 20 places available.
Amongst the 20, 10 or 12 will have the opportunity to have a personal Constellation – due to the constraints of time – and the others will be able to experience a lot of healing benefit by being in a supportive role in a constellation.

Lubelia asked me to say about this that:
“I would emphasize that participation even without having a personal constellation can still be very beneficial, as one can deal with personal issues just by attending as a representative in a constellation or through someone else’s constellations with similar issues. Besides that, there are several meditation exercises in the program that are a unique opportunity to start one’s own healing process.”
Let us know if you are interested or have any questions. Please call Cecilie Fortune at 0208 640 0697 or Susan Crosthwaite at 0208 715 5621

Two Testimonies of experience of “the Personal Development Seminar” which included “Family Constellations”

Couples weekend, by Jean Metz
Höngg, Zürich 28-30 March 2008


Although entitled “Couples weekend”, it was mentioned in the invitation that all people were welcome, whether single or married. All of us come from a family, and during the weekend, we could learn more deeply how our everyday lives are influenced by the experiences we had in growing up in our families.

From our lineage we inherit many attitudes. The emotional memories are hidden deep within our spirit and body. Sometimes we can experience a sudden surge of anger, frustration , resentment or even hatred in our family relationships. Sometimes this can seem out of proportion to the actual situations. It is easier to see it in others than in ourselves!

It can be shocking, but rather than feel how terrible we are and feel paralyzed, we can find out where these intense emotions come from and start to deal with them. Who hasn’t thought from time to time “Why is he/she so upset about such a small point?” “Why are we arguing about this…………….is it really important?”

We all have “triggers” or “buttons”, which when pressed, can release frighteningly intense feelings. If we allow them to multiply, this leads to arguments in which we can hurt each other very much. In turn, this causes barriers in a relationship and sometimes a withdrawal of giving, stopping the flow of harmonious understanding.

Through various meditation exercises we could practice recognizing those feelings and releasing them. In this safe environment we could look inside ourselves, and come to know ourselves more deeply.

In the “family constellations” part , we could select someone else to represent us and our family members, giving us an opportunity for an objective view of our situation and finding a solution.

The weekend was expertly and sensitively guided by Lubelia Palfi, who has much experience in counseling people. She works with the Sokom Akademie in Germany , and also gives her time to helping our Blessed families find healing in their relationships.
You can find more information about her seminars on various websites including the European Blessed Family Dept (

I think we all gained very useful insights which we can use in a practical way in our families. Each one is responsible for her/his own path and healing. This doesn’t have to be lonely. With loving support from those who understand this process more deeply, we can really move forward in our lives.
Beyond anything else we do externally, our ultimate goal is to become a whole person, create loving families and extend that to those around us in the society and world.

Isn’t that what our True Parents have been teaching us all these years? Until now it may have seemed only theoretical. Through this kind of seminar, we start to make it reality.

Further weekends like this will be arranged in the future and it is encouraged that many more families can attend and gain much blessing , power and energy to refresh our lives.

Personal Development weekend London, Nicholas Rawlence, Milton Keynes, U.K.
April 18-20 2008, Haslemere Place – South London Peace Embassy


I felt the seminar was very well structured, Wolf and Lubelia (who had come from Germany specially to give this seminar) had obviously taken care to arrange the seminar with different elements that worked well together. On the Friday evening we all gathered and introduced ourselves. We were all going to go on a journey together, and it was important that we could build trust with each other. There was also an agreement that we all signed stating that we would not share any details outside the group. So for the weekend we became a family.

Next, Wolf gave a presentation. I was really struck by one point he made – that we are not our thoughts, or our emotions. We are something much deeper. We often think that our thoughts or feelings are who we are. If our feelings are rejected, we feel that we are rejected. How can we find and become grounded in our original god-self?

The following morning started with another presentation about the relationship between our thoughts and our feelings – and how we can become better masters of ourselves. Good practical advice to help our growth. I liked the diagrams; they made things really clear. Then Wolf and Lubelia explained about the energies of family systems. We are all the fruits of our own family cultures – and we bring that to our marriages. Sometimes we really need to be much more aware of how we are reacting to our partner. Then we can begin to understand and resolve our issues. And how does our behaviour affect our partner? Self awareness and awareness of others is so important, and not easy for me.

We all want to be free to love and receive love. I feel this seminar really opened doors for me. Now of course I have lots of homework to do…

Our next session was dance and meditation with music. Even our bodies were being loosened up!
Before the workshop we had been asked to prepare internally by looking back into our childhood, into our lives with our parents and other relatives, and those who had been directly involved with our up-bringing; and also into our present family situations with our partner and our children; and to reflect on ourselves. Now we did a meditation about our child-self.
We received another presentation about patterns of relationships that can happen through generations. We could see that families work as systems. When one role is left vacant, someone else will step into that position. For example, if one parent leaves, a child might step into that role. This can have profound consequences in that person’s future relationships. Now we had the opportunity to unravel tangles in those past relationships so that we could be more free to be our original selves. We did this by doing the Family Constellation exercises.

It was beautiful to see the openness and honesty of brothers and sisters. With the careful and sensitive guidance of Lubelia, we got in touch with feelings below the surface. Some scenarios we re-enacted so that they could be accepted and embraced, and then resolved in the present. There was never a feeling of blame. On this workshop we were in the business of healing the past and ourselves, so that we could all take steps forward. Some things we can understand in our heads, but we still feel trapped – and prone to keep repeating patterns that can be destructive. Now we could experience liberation. We are all beings of energy. Sometimes we don’t realise how our thoughts can influence our emotions and our energies, and how our energies affect those close to us.

At the conclusion of the workshop it seemed to me that every participant had been able to lay down hidden burdens from their past. Everyone left with much lighter expressions on their faces and renewed hope deep inside – and homework. Many workshops inspire the mind and offer great fellowship, on this one we invested in each other, to help each other grow and be liberated. It was a journey made together, but also each participant went forward on their unique internal emotional journey. Surely God’s spirit was in the midst of us all.
Yes it took courage to go on the journey. For me it was a landmark in my life. I cannot explain everything in words.

May God bless Wolf and Lubelia for their investment and dedication – and may God bless all who enter here.