1. What were the main challenges you experienced in getting matched?
The challenges were on several levels. On the one hand, it was my own character. For myself, True Parents’ matching was much more easy or comfortable, because I would not need to come up with so much energy to get to know again and again a new person. With True Parents’ matching you get given your match and then you start investing in this relationship. Of course there is the possibility that things might get difficult, but I think Parents Matching doesn´t differ that much in this aspect. Although in this process it was difficult for me to open up again and again (to suggested matches), I could work at overcoming this weakness that I have. Now I can more easily connect with other people.
On the other hand, it found it difficult because every person, whether they are conscious of it or not, has certain ideas about his or her own future partner or son-in-law or daughter-in-law. So parents and their children limit themselves by not being open enough.
Lastly, it is a matter of idealistic versus realistic thinking. I went originally to True Parents’ matching. I was pretty much aware of myself, and that I was ready to accept a partner I had never met before. I did not have many concepts about how needs to be, etc. When I met her, I wasn´t immediately hooked, but it didn´t really take long to overcome my false thinking and to start building up a relationship with her (unfortunately it did not develop well…).
Then with parents’ matching I wanted to have the same attitude, but I maybe I restricted myself too much? Back then I had the attitude that I can deal with certain characters, no matter how difficult it may be for me, that I will do my best to love my spouse. But during all the matching processes, I sank down by having this attitude: too much frustration, too much disappointment. So I had to take a break and “deal” with my attitude, I took time to analyze how it came to this point, to find a solution and then continue.
2. What were the key decisions and efforts you made to overcome these challenges?
For certain issues, you have not much influence. Every person has his or her strong points and weak points. In Germany there is a saying: “No master ever fell from the sky”, which means you always start at the bottom and if you make effort, you can develop. So even if you have a weak point, you can work on this weak point. Maybe you will never be as good as someone who is talented in a certain field, but you might reach a level which can be considered good. Everything else is just an excuse. So try again and again and try to keep the right attitude. Try to meet every person in the matching process, without pre-judging. Give him or her a chance. You never know how it will go. I tried to give the other person as much input about myself as possible. This means you might make yourself more vulnerable, but afterwards you can say that you really tried.
You should continuously check your own attitude, especially your motivation. I realise that at one point, because I was frustrated, I started to be much more desperate to get matched and blessed. I should rather have focussed and asked myself: ‘How can I love my future spouse? What can I give her?’
As well, I didn´t read that much Hoon Dok Hwe (HDH) anymore. The influence from secular society is strong. Why is it important to do HDH? You allow your mind to get nourished with certain content, you give your conscience new energy. And then it is important to think how to apply what you have read.
One needs to make conditions, but conditions can be much simpler than most people think. Every action you do during your day is a condition
3. What would you have done differently or what would you advise others not to do?
Keep your spiritual life alive, keep asking yourself about your own motivation, before deciding to do certain action steps. You should really make effort to get clear with yourself what matching and blessing means to you. Getting matched is not the goal; if you say ‘yes’ to a matching you say ‘yes’ to a blessing. I would also say that there is no need to spend more than six months getting to know each other. You have to be aware that your partner is not going to be perfect – you will be the person to help your spouse become better. Your spouse, and then your children, are your very own messiahs. I believe that.
4. What lessons have you learned through your journey to getting matched?
Things are not always easy in our church and we should dream less and do more.
5. What would you say to another Blessed Child over 25 who is making efforts to get matched and Blessed?
There may be no fault on your part, but keep looking at yourself, what motivation do you have, why you want to get matched and what can you give your future spouse – I am not speaking about materialistic stuff. Don´t think about what your spouse can give you, or what you want to have from your spouse. Sooner or later it will happen. Don’t become too attached to your single life or it may be more difficult to start to live with someone else or to let another person into your life.