BC male, Blessed 2018, matched 6 months before the Blessing
What did you do to prepare yourself internally before starting the matching process and during the matching process?
I started to consciously prepare for matching and blessing in my late teens, two years before I told my parents I was ready for matching and several years before I actually received the Blessing. What sparked the initial phase of preparation was my realization that I was not ready – but wanted to be ready to be a good husband. I didn’t even think about matching and Blessing so much as growing and maturing during that time. I was working to connect more deeply to God through prayer and through studying the Principle and True Parents’ words and heart. This naturally led me to serve and take responsibility in different parts of our movement – especially the youth work. In hindsight, this was probably the most valuable preparation for my heart with regard to blessed life. Having learned to embrace and serve others as well as to prioritize their needs over my own has been sooo important in my relationship with my wife.
I ended up going through several unsuccessful matching processes before being blessed with my wonderful wife. During each process I spent a lot of time praying sincerely so that I would be able to see from God’s point of view instead of a humanistic point of view. Even when things didn’t turn out well in a matching process, prayer helped me to keep going and believing that the right person was out there waiting. (She was.)
At some point I determined to do a special condition of 40 bows and a 7-minute prayer every day until the day I received the Blessing. I kept doing it and not long after started communication with my wife-to-be. After we were officially matched, she also joined this condition and we did it together until the day of the Blessing. Due to practical challenges we swapped the 40 bows to 12-minutes of HDH-reading which was valuable as we always discussed what we had read and got deep insights into each other’s heart and thoughts.
What were some challenges you faced in communicating with your parents during the matching process and what specific actions did you take to overcome these challenges?
I had a good relationship with my mother so I felt free to talk with her about all my thoughts and feelings. Talking with my father felt more uncomfortable since he had never shared about his deep feelings and such personal thoughts as I was now supposed to share with him. In the end my communication was closer with my mother but I still put in the effort to share my thoughts and feelings with my father bit by bit as well.
How has the matching process impacted your relationship with your parents overall?
My parents did get to know my heart and thoughts quite well. I was moved by how they really listened to me, never tried to forcibly push things on me and always, always were “on my side” – not concerning about their own image or dignity but wholeheartedly seeking what is best for my future.
How did you ultimately decide that this is the person you wanted to be matched to?
I had enormous respect for her, for the kind of person she was and still is. Also without meaning to, she said and did many things that moved me deeply. I felt I could trust her fully.
Is there something you wish you had known, or worked on more, before entering the matching process?
I wish I had known in the very beginning that it isn’t necessarily bad that a matching process does not work out. It is not good to over-excitedly rush in but better to enter with a peaceful mind and take your time to find out if it is a good match. Be hopeful but not naïve.
Of course I wish I had worked on my daily habits even more. I can no longer afford to be lazy in things that I was before.
Anything else you want to share?
Don’t give up. Things don’t always go as smoothly and easily as we imagine. Yet even great difficulties can be such a valuable time of growth and preparation. The treasure is waiting at the end. And it will be worth it.
Although God has a plan for the world and the great turns of the providence, He also has a plan for your joy and happiness. Trust Him and do your best to move forward.