How did you, as parents, prepare yourselves before starting a matching process for your child? And what kind of preparations did you make together with your child?
When our children expressed that they were thinking about matching, we decided on some conditions that we (father, mother and child) could do together every evening. Usually we chose a short prayer condition plus a reading condition using a variety of books on topics related to matching and Blessing. We usually started with the “Family Matching Handbook” and then True Fathers speeches, but we also read other books, such as: “Real Love in Marriage”. We continued with this condition for about a year or until the time when our child felt he/she understood enough and was willing for us to start searching for a partner.
During this time, either my husband or I, would attend a Blessing Preparation workshop together with our child.
As a couple, we came to realize how much our relationship influences the view our children have towards the Blessing and married life. So we also felt pushed to develop and go forward in our own relationship.
We tried also to spend some extra “quality time” with our child – going out for a walk or to a coffee shop together so we could talk more deeply.
What tools did you find helpful in your task to find a partner for your child?
It was useful to attend the PMC so that we could understand the different methods to search for a partner and to give us the confidence to start. It was also useful to hear the testimonies of other parents.
Attending the Blessing Preparation workshop together with our child gave us a better foundation to discuss matching with them.
The international matching websites are helpful, however in the end we only used it for one of our children.
What were the main challenges you experienced when matching your child?
For us it was not so difficult to find a partner but it was challenging to guide them through the process. If problems came up (for example: the child had doubts etc.) we, as parents, tried to keep a vertical and positive attitude and not be influenced by negative thinking.
It is very easy for the two candidates to get too close to one another during the matching process, therefore it is important to be able to motivate and support them to maintain a brother-sister relationship until the time of the Blessing Ceremony.
Do you have any advice for parents who are preparing to match their child?
It is not an easy task to match your child. Although God is with us, we still meet many challenges and situations that will stretch our hearts.
As parents we are very eager to see our child matched and Blessed, however we must be sure that he/she is really ready and mature enough to take on the responsibility of becoming a couple.
It is not always that your child understands what kind of person would be good for them. First impressions are not always correct. Encourage your child to look at a possible candidate from God’s viewpoint and to understand what God wants for them. Many candidates are looking for “the person that will fulfill my dreams and make me happy”, instead of trying to become “the person who will fulfill my partners dreams and make him/her happy”.