How did you find solutions together when you disagreed as a couple?
2nd gen couple Blessed for 6 years
Wife: It helped to understand each other’s way of dealing with conflict, disappointment or feeling hurt. I would want to confront and shout and get it all out (and then be all okay again), he would rather avoid it, calm down and talk about it later. Being aware of how we deal with things differently, and respecting that, definitely helped to not let a conflict get overblown.
Another approach which helped me is to separate what happened objectively (You were late) and what effect it had subjectively (which made me feel like you didn’t care) to be able to understand each other better. The objective reality is indisputable, but the subjective consequences are what cause the hurt feelings which are often totally unintentional! Sometimes it was tempting to just let things be and not make the effort to work things out, but then you end up drifting apart. So, lastly, we focused on ‘us’, what solutions would result in us as a couple being stronger and more loving together was the desired outcome.
Husband: Fortunately, the times of serious disagreements between us have been seldom and that we commonly find a solution or viewpoint we both can agree upon. Disagreements are often a product of differences in personality, caused by cultural background or gender related. It helps not to see each other’s viewpoints as opposing, but rather another perspective to engage with. A lot of times these occasions help us understand each better and focus on what’s most important. In the beginning of our relationship the outcome felt more of a win or defeat. Now we have progressed to where agreements are found much easier as than before. With any outcome I like to remind myself that love for each other in our relationship is put first.
How did you decide which spiritual traditions you wanted to follow together as a couple?
2nd gen couple Blessed for 6 years
Wife: For me the spiritual traditions that matter most are upholding the value of the Blessing and of the lineage, upholding the potential and vision of true manhood and true womanhood, of giving first, putting God first, of building loving relationships, of upholding mankind as one family under God. I personally focus more on the why behind the things we do (and am more flexible in the how or what of the things we do). When speaking of traditions like Pledge or Holy Days, we haven’t really consistently done much to be honest. It is something that we want to make part of our lives by the time the kids are there, as they will need some more structure in this.
Husband: I find this a hard one. We are not deciding on which to do/not to do, since we generally want to live up to all our church traditions as best we can, but simply manage to live up to what is being suggested partially. It is an ongoing conversation on how we approach them. One aspect that we have been talking about is tithing. We agreed that tithing is important for us to do but that we also wanted to choose ourselves how to invest. This concerned tithing of time just the same.
We make time to attend church service and partake in mission work whenever the option arises. As we are not always able to make time together, but because we see the purpose in this, we are okay with one of us being away for longer periods for supporting other 2nd Gen for example. For the rest we are still in progress of improving our spiritual habits and will certainly have to figure that out for the time when children come.